Thursday, June 30, 2011

Dating story #56, Death by Dating.

Okay. So you probably hate me.
I haven't posted in 10 days. 
I'm sorry!
But posting takes time, and I haven't had any of that.  So hopefully, you're still sticking around, holding out the slightest of hopes that I'll give you a little somethin' somethin' to read.
Well, pretties, you're in luck! Hunker down, though. This is gonna be a long one. I had to pee TWICE while writing it! Then again, I have a bladder the size of a cashew.

Let's back that ass up to last week, shall we?

I'd like to introduce you to The JEWeler.  
Another "gem" (haha) from, he found me a few weeks ago and we began emailing.  Turns out, he's tall-ish, seemingly attractive, is AA, likes tennis and is a first gen American Russian Jew.  Interesting enough, plus his emails were very funny so we had a nice banter going on. He even CALLED on the PHONE. Yes, apparently phones can actually do this thing where you dial and can SPEAK to someone! Who knew.
We had a nice, easy conversation so he asked me out for last Wednesday night. Of course, first I had to stop at MIM's apt for a Mary Kay makeup party. Yes, I'm being serious.  Very interesting, I must say!  And her friend, Erika, who is the rep was abFab and we had a blast. Then, I hauled my cookies back downtown to meet The JEWeler at my favorite local bar, Mother's Ruin. A good friend just opened it a half block away from my apt. I've taken to calling it "Lindsey's Ruin." Or maybe it should be "Liver's Ruin." FML. 
Anyway, The JEWeler looked about the same, if not slightly cuter than his pics, except for an unfortunate amount of hair gel shellacking that hair in place. What did his hair ever do to deserve that?  It took a lot of restraint, especially a few cocktails in, to not reach over and just mess it up.
The conversation was easy, fun, good and I could tell he was into me.  I wasn't totally sure how I felt but would have been open to a goodnight kiss to help me with that one.  Until, of course, it came up in a story of his that he doesn't kiss on the first date. He says he thinks "it shows restraint."  I asked if it could also show disinterest and/or gayness.  He laughed. 
So at the end of our looong night of drinks, he walked me to my door and I took his hand and have him a nice curtsey.  HA! Take that, restraint man.
Many texts were exchanged the next day and a second date was set up for Sunday when I returned from Kismet, Fire Island, aka the bestest beach evaaa.

The Beach:

Some towns in Fire Island are full of fist-pumping a-holes looking to hook up. My town, however, is not like that. There's only 2 bar/restos, and we only go to one of them [The INN] and shun the other 'cause it's magically douchetastic. But I love how chill and laid-back it is out there, and I almost NEVER put makeup on, which really tells you something.  The beach, historically, has never been a hookup spot for me. Then again, I realized last summer I was in a house with mostly couples and Champ, before I broke up with him and MIM inherited most of his weekends. Let's just say that this summer is proving itself DRASTICALLY different. There's a lot of singles, we all enjoy our drinking, plus BFWB is a partial share in the house and therefore the instigator of most shenanigans. 
This past weekend we made our way to the INN at the usual time to discover they've started up having bands play on Saturday night.  Bored with conversation outside and also with being leered at by salty old semi-toothless men, I decided to go inside and watch the music.  I just sat down on a chair nearby and enjoyed watching the old fart cover band rock out, when a very good-looking, strapping tall guy offered me his hand to dance with him. Um...OK! He had bright blue eyes and dark hair. He also had, unfortunately, madras shorts on. But I decided I could overlook them for the greater guy package which was good-looking AND likes to dance. The best part? He has a total (Irish) girl's name and makes no apologies for it. So, me n' Girl's Name cut a mean rug around the dance floor for quite awhile. Oooh yeah, it was on. Plus his friends (all married/in relationships/short) were super fun and Girl's Name loaned me out to dance a few dances with them.  One, in particular who was roughly as strong as an ox, decided to pick me up and spin me around.  Now, I'm 5'9. I am very not accustomed to this happening and it often freaks me out. But, I could tell this ox was not going to drop me.  I could also tell that my denim miniskirt was inching up by the second. By the time he put me down, the entire crowd at The INN was definitely privvy to details of my Hanky Panky's and my ass-cheeks.  Y'welcome, The INN!
After we had enough dancefloorness, we headed back to my house to jam with BFWB since Girl's Name also plays some geetar. After about an hour of that it was getting late and I was getting the feeling that this boy could play all night. Hello, when was it going to be make-out time?  So I devised an excellent plan that involved me saying "I'm going to the beach now!"  
Simplistic? Yes. Effective? Very.
So Girl's Name and I went to snuggle up on the beach and get our smooch on.  Only, upon seeing a truck's headlights, we feared we'd be kicked off the beach so we relocated near the dunes. That's where the sand fleas HAD THEIR WAY WITH US.  Seriously. Those f'kers made a meal out of us and came back for more!
Time to leave the beach pronto, but...where to do?  When you're doing a summer share, you don't exactly have your own room and even the living room is generally occupied.  This left only one option: The outdoor shower.
Classy AND refreshing, right?
We had a nice, showery makeout fest until the hot water ran out and the sun began to rise.  That was pretty much the end of it, but he got my digits since we were both going to be around on the beach sunday.
I can definitely say I've never stayed out until that hour in Kismet. Usually, I go to sleep so early I get and run at 7am because I'm awake and bored!  
Welcome to the summer of ZERO SLEEP.
True to his word, GN hit me up around 1pm and we met up for awhile. Thankfully, he looked even hotter, sans madras shorts and plus a visor. Why do I have a thing for guys with visors?? It must be some strange Texas thing, but I find it soo HOT! Weird.
I figured I'd sleep off my exhaustion on the beach, but BFWB had other plans in store, mostly made up of NONSTOP. CHATTERING. FOR. HOURS.
Ironically, GN ended up on the same ferry as us back to the train station. Since he had met/partied with all of us the night before, you would've thought he'd be happy to see us and talkative. However, he was basically the opposite. Definitely not "rude" per se, but very obviously in no mood to really chat with us (or me) on the short trip back.  Which is always exactly what you hope for the day after you've shower made-out with someone! 
You have a girl's name. 

I headed back to the city for date #2 with The JEWeler, wondering how I would keep my eyes open.
At least, I told myself, it's a sunday night and an earlyish date, so I should be in bed by 11 or so. 
This Ruski can friggin' DRINK. And somewhere along the way, I got a second wind.  Plus, I was waiting for a kiss to seal his fate.  Unluckily for me, it took him till about 2am and many taunts of "I'm going to have to go to sleep soon" before he finally made his move. A SLOWASS move, at that. Seriously, even his approach towards my face seemed to be in slo-mo. WTF?
I will say the actual kiss itself was quite good. Like, really good. But I'm still weirded by the lead-up to it.  I need a guy to be much more assertive and deliberate about his actions. 
Not sure if I'll see The JEWeler again, but we're both going away for the 4th of July, so we'll have to see what goes down when everyone is back.

In other news...

Our dear friend (and one of your faves!), 6'4 has been hitting me up on gChat. For those not in the know [shame on you!] it's Gmail's version of instant messaging. Because he and I had exchanged a lot of emails back and forth, gmail automatically puts people into your buddy chat list. I didn't realize this and, because his name is about 1 letter different than BFWB's, I wrote him thinking I was writing BFWB, whom I chat with all day, every day. Once I realized I had done it, I was horrified! But, lo and behold, he wrote back. I had to explain the message, which was about rehearsing and therefore made no sense to him, and the whole name mix-up. He asked me how I was and we chatted a bit. And then I signed off like a champ, hopefully leaving him wanting more.
It worked.
He's been hitting me up ALL week.  I never initiate the conversation. And a few days this week we have chatted back and forth almost the entire day about a myriad of topics. Toward the end, it got pretty flirty, but not dirty. I do like that about him. There's a very fine line and he knows exactly where that is. Plus he's smart, articulate, well-read and incredibly ambitious. Not to mention HOT. HOT. HOOOTTT. 
You'll be proud to know I kind of let him have it, in a funny way of course, about us only going on that one date. Kind of like "what's the point of this?"  He seems to think, with conviction, that we'll be seeing each other again for sure.  So I replied, "Well, that is as long as you ask your girlfriend/wife/sister wives for a hall pass."
Yes, I agree with all of you readers/commenters that something strange is happening here.  He's too young to be married, I have seen his FB page and there's just really no way that's possible.  
Of course, a girlfriend IS possible.  He did tell me he moved to a 300sqft studio in Long Island City, so, assuming that's true, he's definitely not co-habitating with anyone.  Who knows. I've decided to not think about it that much because it's mostly just frustrating.  
He gets me kinda hot and bothered and I don't appreciate that!

Especially how he did it before I got to go to a small, intimate 4 acoustic song performance at Vanessa Carlton's Soho loft. Yeah, I did. No bigz.
(It was AMAZING!)
I have no idea how I managed to get on the list for this event, but it was incredibly cool to be about 8ft away from her playing and singing on her baby grand piano.  The best part?  I was introduced to her and a photographer took a group shot. But, knowing I'd never see that photo, I asked if I could get a pic with her with my own camera.  Awkward pause.
Followed by...
Awkward pause.
Followed by..."Ok."
Here's how happy she was to pose for that pic:

When I finally looked at the pic later on in the evening, I almost wet myself!
Aren't celebs supposed to, you know, pretend to be excited about their fans? Especially when they're in their HOUSE?
I also just discovered on Wikipedia that she came out as a bisexual a few years ago. Now I'm super offended that she 
a) didn't want to pose with me 
b) didn't hit on me.

Well chickadees, that's it for now. I'm off to put the ASS into ASSpen tomorrow. I'm meeting my family there, so I don't expect many dating situations to occur (unless my mom forces me into them, which is ENTIRELY possible), but I will have my trusty computer with me, just in case.

As uneventful as it may be, at least I can get some sleep and take a break from the sauce. 
I swear, my dating life just might be the death of me.

Love, Hugs, fireworks and Independence to all of you!